Here it is folks, my annual “RICH ASSHOLE CHRISTMAS LIST” for 2010. You might remember last year’s list. Well, the items below are well out of the normal man’s salary and are reserved for the insanely rich and prick-ish. Enjoy and Meowy Christmas, fellow poor peeps! If you like, login through facebook and comment below on what would be on YOUR Rich Asshole Christmas List…
10) Trip Around The World – $418-60,000
This guy is a genius. He’s managed to book travel around the world for a measly price of $418. It took some serious planning, strategerie, and credit card finagling, but he did it. The reason it’s on the rich-boy’s Christmas list is because normal price would be upwards of $60,000. Fuckin’ rich people.
9) Garfunkel & Oates Private Livingroom Concert – $1075 (and climbing!)
First of all, I love these girls. They were fantastic guests on my show The Real Cool Club and have since gone on to take over the LA comedy scene. For the holiday season, UCB is hosting the “Comedy Death-Ray’s Xmas Nativity Pageant Benefit 2010”; which features numerous items up for bidding. Some of the items up for bid are ridiculously enticing (having Thomas Lennon do my video eulogy?!) but a lil out of the normal human’s pricerange. I’ll just be thankful these girls performed on my show so I don’t have to fork out over a grand – but if you have the $, DO IT. It’s for charity!
8 ) Apple Macbook Pro – $2199-2299
This will be on my list every year but I doubt will every manifest itself into my studio set-up. I’ve been rockin the same Macbook Pro for the last 5 years and it’s definitely on it’s last legs, but these beasts are so damn expensive. Any richy rich friends wanna donate to mah cause? I’ll make you a poster of awesome!
7) Nixon “The Ceramic 51-30” White – $2600
I love watches. I collect them. A majority of my watches are from the company Nixon, which about 5 years ago was primarily a skater/surfer brand that few people had heard of. Now, sponsoring a number of high profile athletes in various sports, Nixon is a much larger company and continually pushes the envelope of their products both by design and engineering. This watch combines both: It’s made of ceramics and looks friggin’ rad in white. Loves.
6) Street Legal TRON Bike – $35,000+
I don’t think I need to explain why this is on the list. It’s both cool and ridiculously expensive. How to make it better? Include Daft Punk. Not their album, the actual duo.
5) Summiting Mount Everest – $70,000-100,000 (+ years of training and balls of carbonite)
This is something I want to do. Seriously. But the reality of it is so off the mental radar that it’s hard to comprehend. There are 5 other mountains you should consider summiting before you even CONSIDER Everest. Most of which are on other continents and require their own guides/sherpas/base camps. The REAL cost of summiting Everest is far greater than the price of the expedition above. In some people’s case, FAR greater (read DEATH). Regardless, I constantly read aggravating stories of uber-rich people – with massive amounts of disposable income – paying groups of guides to get them to the top of the Earth with little to no training – literally CARRYING the rich prick to the summit. Fuck you, assholes with money.
4) Hennessey Venom GT – $900,000
This car is a modified Lotus Exige (which if you remember, was my car of choice LAST Christmas) but with more power. More raw, high-performance nonsense. The thing puts over 1200hp to the rear axel, which translates to about 1050hp to the wheels. The exhaust note is frightening and the body just looks beastly. Me wanty.
3) The Godfather Mansion – $2,900,000
It’s not the fact that there’s 8 bedrooms. It’s not that it features an english pub in the basement. What makes me add this mansion to the list? The fact that it gives you far more credibility as a bad-ass than any other home you could live in. Just watch out for your competition sneaking a horse head into your bed while you sleep.
2) Your Own Personal French Polynesian Islands – $9,300,000
Cause when you have money, you have an island. In French Polynesia. With pirates. But yet you don’t buy a decent digital camera to take pictures of it with. Typical rich douche.
1) Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Models – $Priceless/Impossible
Based on last year’s list, I had to include the typical #1 Rich Asshole’s Christmas item. Cause when you have big money, you can buy anything. ANYTHING.
While I’m in New York making a Team Cool Kids video (with my comedy partner in crime, Lindsay Harbert) for the Samsung “Four Seasons Of Hope” Charity Gala (expect the video online within the next 24 hours), E3 is happening back at home in Los Angeles. Man, I’ve never wanted to be in two places at once more than this week.
I got to meet and see some famous celeb types tonight (Jennifer Lopez and Marc Antony, Matthew McConaughey, Boomer Esiason, Dan Marino, and BILL Frickin CLINTON!?!) and witness a truly amazing event that is doing amazing things for education and medical needs for children. It was pretty remarkable what a group of stand-out individuals, a lot of hope, and some money can do to help our youth. Go charity, go!
As I’m editing our footage from the star-studded night and trying to catch-up with all the E3 news from my LA cohorts, I found this gem online and it made me miss my nerd friends back in LA who are walking the convention floor, playing games, and enjoying the sensationally over-the-top after parties. Go have fun, you assholes. I’m helping kids.
I haven’t seen much press on Portal 2 from E3 yet, which surprises me. Portal is one of my favorite games and this sequel looks radgasmic.
So you’re given an opportunity to interview Eli Manning – the quarterback of the NY Giants; one of the biggest athletes in the National Football League and Superbowl MVP/winner. What do you do with that time? Make a comedy bit, of course! Here is our video that we made with Eli, who was an awesome sport and was totally down for the bit. He was extremely nice, personable and down-to-earth. Thanks Eli!
Also, a BIG thanks to Samsung and the Four Seasons Of Hope organization for bringing Team Cool Kids out to NY for the event! It was a BLAST! Below is the video we made describing the event and what the organizations are doing for our education system. Pretty cool stuff…
Okay, it’s official. VOTING HAS BEGUN in the Samsung Mobile Explorers Competition here in Vancouver during the Olympic Winter Games. Our first challenge was to get the message out about Hannah Teter’s charity, Hannah’s Gold. How would we do this? Well, with tiny shots of the Hannah’s Gold Syrup from VT. that she sells on the site! This challenge was tough. We wanted to think of something creative and true to the Team Cool Kids spirit and humor while keeping the message intact and professional. I think we nailed it. As did the other teams. The only way we’ll know is if you go to http://Facebook.com/SamsungUSA and vote (I have a preference for Team Cool Kids). In the meantime, challenge #2 is under way. We have to create an original song for Valentines Day about Samsung. This is gonna be good…Stay tuned for that!
Here we sit in the heart of Vancouver. We’ve found a small cafe with delicious soup and espresso to keep us chugging along. The day isn’t even halfway through, and already we’ve been thrown into a wirlwind of experiences that words cannot do justice.
We woke up early once again after hitting the hay at the wee hours of the morning. After spending the night editing, blogging and posting photos following an evening spent on the karaoke stage. Upon finishing breakfast we met up with our fellow Samsung Mobile Explorers, all bleary eyed from the night before and received our first challenge.
This first challenge is going to span two days, and started at the OR@S (Olympic Rendezvous @ Samsung in David Lam Park) where we were interviewed by media outlets and were lucky enough to meet the lovely Olympic Gold Medalist, Samsung Olympic ambassador and philanthropist, Hannah Teter. She was absolutely lovely, and we so wish we would have had more time with her, but c’est la vie, she is a very popular lady these days. Our challenge revolves around her and her charity Hannah’s Gold (www.HannahsGold.com), and we can only hope we can do both aspects justice. We’re certainly going to try our very hardest. Believe me, we definitely have some tricks up our collective sleeves. Be sure to hit http://Facebook.com/SamsungUSA at 9:00 PM PST tomorrow (February 13, 2010) to check out Team Cool Kids finished video and vote!
For now, the day will chug along now that we’ve filled our very needy bellies. We will continue to explore all that Vancouver and the 2010 Winter Olympic Games have to offer including the opportunity to watch the opening ceremonies at the USA Olympic house. Revelry and good times are sure to be had there before returning to the hotel for more hard work.
We also just saw the news from this morning regarding the Olympic Luger from the country of Georgia. Our hearts go out to his fellow teammates, family and country. It certainly is a dark cloud on the opening day of such a wonderful global event. We can only hope that this tragic event can bring our world nations closer together in unity. May he rest in peace.
We’re running on little to no sleep, but we hardly notice. There is so much excitement and amazing opportunities everywhere here in Vancouver. For now, we hardly have the time to bat an eyelash with so much to do, but we look forward to finally getting the chance to get some sleep…..in March. Team Cool Kids FTW!